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10%の法則

 しばらくぶりのブログ更新です。
 来週10日に臨床心理士の一次試験が東京で行われます。
だから本当は勉強に励んでいるべき時期ですが、明日から、福祉系の大学と専門学校での後期の講義を受け持つことになり、その準備で追われていて、勉強いつやればいいの?という状態です。

 ううう…。ま、仕方ないです。

 昨日日曜日は、ぴょろ小学校最後の運動会でした。天気も良くて、十分楽しめました。ぴょろが通う小学校は、1学年2クラスずつのこじんまりした学校で、人数もプログラムもちょうど良いくらいでした。1ヶ月足らずの短い練習時間だったのに、ぴょろはそれなりにがんばっていました。一番の心配であった組体操も成功し、運動会の終わった後はほっとした様子で家でごろごろとマンガ三昧。

 私は保護者の競技に出まして、その日はよかったのですが今朝から右足の筋肉痛に悩まされています。

 小学校最後の運動会、ということもあって、3週間ぶりに配偶者がK市にやってきました。「運動会を見に来ただけ」と口では言っていましたが、来る早々本屋さんでK市のおいしいラーメン屋探しに夢中になり、散歩と称して近所のパン屋さんに買い物に行ったりと、まるで遠足にでも来たような様子でした。

 当然、ぴょろと2人だけの時より、部屋はちらかるのが早く、今朝配偶者が引き上げた後、掃除に追われたのは言うまでもありません。

 早い話、3人で住んでたときと何も変わっていないということです。(^_^;)

 毎日は顔を合わせない事で、精神的には大分落ち着いて過ごせる今日このごろ、たまに配偶者に会うとそれまでは当たり前のように聞き流していたことが気になったりして、配偶者のいた2日間私はかなりイライラしていました。

 その一つが「10%の法則」と私が呼んでいる、配偶者の認知のくせです。

 配偶者は、10回のうち1回でも何かをやると、「自分は○○をやった」と自信満々で言うのです。例えば、10回のうち9回は約束を完全に破っても、1回だけでも守ることがあると、「ボクはちゃんと約束守っているよ」と返してくるのです。

 もちろん、10回やって10回ともパーフェクトに守れる人はまずいないと思うので、100%を望んでいるわけではないのです。それでも、1割できたらさもいつも出来ているように得意げに、何のためらいもなく堂々と言い放たれると、私の血圧と心拍数は急激に上がります。せめて3回くらいは守ってくれれば、「うんまあがんばっているよね」とは言えるかもしれませんが…。

 そして、自分のやったことであまり相手に覚えていて欲しくない事は、さっさと忘れてしまいます。

 首締めて、死にそうになったことなんて、本人は忘れてしまっているのです。さりげなくそのことに触れると「ああ、それはもう終わったことだから」と言う。

 こういう配偶者を、細かいことを気にしないヤツ、と見る人もいるかもしれません。時々、こんな細かいことにこだわる私が馬鹿馬鹿しく思えることもあるのです。

 それでも、ココロのどこかでは「こんなんで本当にいいんだろうか?」と常に考えている自分がいます。

 自分のやった良いことは精一杯誇大化する、そしてあまり望ましく思われないことはdevaluate(過小評価)する、こういう配偶者のくせは、私がずばり指摘すればするほど意固地になって自分の考えを守ろうとするので、ちっとも良い方向にいく気配がありません。

 最近から、私は「リフレーミング」という技法を使い、この「10%の法則」に対応しています。

 「ボクはちゃんとやっている」と言われたら、「そうなんだ~。普通の人でも大変な事なのに、あなたって本当にすばらしい夫なんだねえ」と切り返す。もちろん、皮肉っぽくは言いません。ただ「私はあなたからそんな言葉を聞いて驚いているんだよ」という意味をこめて言うだけです。

 そうすると、配偶者は「いや…そうでもないよ。少ししかできてないよ」と素直に認めます。まあ、ちょっと効果があるかな、という程度ですが。

 もう一つの、そしてこれこそが私が一番困っている配偶者の認知のくせとは、「自分が感じていることは相手も同じように感じている」というものです。

 配偶者にとって、「相手に好意を持っている=相手も自分に好意を持っている」ということになるらしいです。自分が好きな物は相手も好きだし、自分がこう思っている事は、相手にもちゃんと伝わっていると思っているらしい。

 「私とあなたは違う考えや違う感情を持っている」と言うことを、どんなに説明してもよく理解できていないようなのです。一番困ったのは、ぴょろの教育方針に対する考えが配偶者と私で合わず、その間でぴょろがどうしていいか困ってしまったときに、配偶者が一言、「僕たちの考えは一致しているじゃない」と言ってのけたこと。さすがに、このときは私だけでなくぴょろも驚いた。

 この「自他の境界のあいまいさ」はまさしくアスペルガーの特徴の一つですが、何度違いを説明しても、「あ、そうなんだ」とその時には一応言っても、同じ事の繰り返し。これには私も大分手を焼いています。

 そういうわけで、配偶者との意思疎通をはかるのは極めて困難と言わざるを得ません。

 仕事ではそれなりに能力が発揮できている配偶者ですが、おそらく職場の同僚は配偶者にずいぶん我慢しているところもあるだろうと想像がつくだけに、彼らが本当に気の毒に思えます。時々は、こんな状態で、よく今まで生きてこれたと思うこともありますが、周りを振り回し巻き込みながら、それでも悪びれた様子も、問題意識をあまり感じることもなく、一見おだやかそうな様子で相手を怒らせる事を口にする、そんな配偶者をやっぱり地球外の生物(宇宙人)のように思う私の方が、いよいよヘンなんだろうか?と思ってしまいます。


 

 

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Comments

お久しぶりです。私が自分の発達障害に気が付くまで、やはり
似たようなことをしていたらしく、耳が痛い話しです。
「一度やったくらいで毎度ちゃんとやっているように言うな」
と元夫にはよく言われましたよ~。当時は「評価してくれない」
と思いこんだりしてました。

やはり障害といえど、本人が自分の障害を意識して”人に嫌われる
部分”を改善したい、と思うようにならないと、変われないのかも。
失礼ですが、Sanaさん自身かなりいっぱいいっぱいではないかと
思ってしまうのですが・・・旦那様は受診の意志はないのかしら。
片方が我慢するばかりの関係って、やっぱり辛いと思いますよ~。
軽度発達障害って、当事者でない人には感覚を理解するのは難しい
ですから・・・宇宙人、と思うのも当たり前ですよ。
だからこそお互いに歩み寄らないと、家族としてやっていくのは
辛くなってしまうと思います。

それで私もしんどい思いをしたもので、お節介な言い方してすみません(^_^;

Posted by: 透雪(ゆきこ) | 2004.10.05 07:42 PM

自分が好きな物は相手も ~ 伝わっていると思っているらしい。
これ、よーくわかります。義母が、まさしくそうです。何でも決めてかかってくるので、結婚当初は大分、悩みました。逆に、義母も旦那も、他人の痛みを自分の痛み、と勘違いしたり、ということもあります。それで、初対面の人からは、「優しい」と思われるようです。
で、10%の法則に則って、自分は優しい人間だ、と口にしたりします。長くつき合うと、「特別優しいわけでもない」ことがわかります。

Posted by: sleapydeen | 2004.10.06 09:37 PM

透雪(ゆきこ)さん、

 配偶者は、一応意識はしているみたいですけど、自分を変えるつもりはないみたいです。何があっても、結局私が許してくれると信じて疑っていないようなので。

sleapydeenさん、

 いつもありがとうございます。
まさしくそうですね。他人の痛みを自分の痛みと勘違いしているので、端からは「共感できる人」と見えるみたい。でもよくよく見ていると、そうではないと分かるんだけど。

 意識して「良く見せよう」というのとはちょっと違うみたいだけど、口で言うほどはやっていないということを認めるのがとても難しいみたいです。

Posted by: Sana | 2004.10.07 08:51 AM

 はじめまして。ADHDではないかと悩み、いろんな方のサイトを見せてもらってここまでたどり着きました。
僕もご子息と同じ「ぴょろ」なんですが、区別つけるために別の呼び名で書き込みます。

読んでいてドキリとしました、「他人の痛みを自分の痛みと勘違いしているので、端からは「共感できる人」と見える」...

 最初に気づいたのは、一緒に仕事をした女性の相談に乗っていて、「他の人の痛みを分かる人と分からない人がいる」と言う表現を聞いた時です。
彼女はこう言っていました。「自分のことのように感じれる人とそうでない人がいて、後者のほうが数が少ない。」

 その時は、「彼女も僕も後者側で、なぜ人にそういう違いがあるのかは分からない」、と言うことになったのですが...
「勘違い」と言う可能性には気付きませんでした。「勘違い」だったと考えれば納得がいきます。
なぜ今までの人生、人間関係でぶつかる事が多かったり生き辛かったか...どうして妻とうまくいかなくなってしまったのか...

 これも「勘違い」の感覚かもしれないけど、僕は配偶者さんの感じ方の実験台になれるかも知れないと感じましたよ(^_^;

 最後になりましたが、1次試験合格おめでとうございます!
sanaさんが臨床心理士としても活躍される日がくることをお祈りしています!!


Posted by: ぴょろかる | 2004.10.28 01:48 AM

ぴょろかるさん、

 はじめまして。ブログに来て下さってありがとうございます。
「勘違い」という言葉が適切かどうか、私にも自信はありませんが、いろいろ考えた末、このような表現になってしまいました。
 私もまだ、発達障害については勉強不足なところもあると思いますので、これからも何かお気づきになったことがありましたら教えて下さいね。

 

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Posted by: gimmemusicfree | 2010.03.14 10:06 PM