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The real "Optimism":本当の前向きさ

 うつ状態に入っていると、配偶者がいつも口にする言葉があります。

 「もっと前向きに考えればすぐなおるよ」

 はいはい、その通りです。視点を変えること、物事のいい面にも目を向けること…それができればこんなに落ち込んでいないってば…と配偶者の言葉を聞きながらいつも考えます。この人が言うのは正論。だけどそれができないから苦しんでいる人がたくさんいるし、たくさんの抗うつ剤が市場に出回っているわけだから。

 心理学の世界には"Positive Psychology(前向きさを研究する心理学)"という分野があります。一言で言うと、前向きな態度をどう養っていくかということを研究している学問ということです。こういう学問があるくらいですから、前向きになりたい人、興味のある人は多いのでしょう。

 では、本当の前向きさって何でしょう?

 前向きさについてよくたとえとして使われるのが、「コップ半分の水」

 コップの水が「もう半分しかない」と思うより、「まだ半分ある」と思うほうが前向きなのでしょうか?まだ半分、そう思えば気持ちは楽です。しかし、「もう半分しかない」と思うことで、コップに水を足すなら、コップの水は増えて安心します。

 配偶者は、「まだ半分ある」と考える人、そして私は「もう半分しかない」と考える人です。

 私は、あるかないかということが問題なのではないという気がしています。どっちにしてもコップには水が半分入っているわけです。そのままにしておくのか、水を足すのか、その差だと思ったのです。私はうつの患者さんに、「コップの水が半分しかない」と考えるのは悪いことではない、と言います。彼らは一瞬「は?」という顔をしますが、無理に「まだ半分ある」と考えようとしたり、あるいはそう考えられない自分を責めるよりは、そのままでいいんだよ、と言うと、たいていは私の真意を理解してもらえます。問題は「そこからどうするか」です。

 昨日、配偶者が帰ってきたあと、「本当は出かけないで一緒にいてほしかった」と言ってみました。そのときに、相手から帰ってきた返事は、

 「昨日1時間だけでもご飯食べて一緒にいたでしょう。」(それで十分でしょ?)
 
 それは、お休みの日でなくても、いつでもできることです。私が昨日本当にしてほしかったことではありません。たまたま、用事が早く終わったから、お昼に帰ってきて(出発までの)1時間、家にいただけのことです。もし、私が、配偶者のように、まあ、1時間でも一緒にいられたからいいや、と考えられたら、いやな気分を味わわなくてよかったかもしれませんが、その考え方はちょっと違うぞ、ということに、後から気がついたのです。

 配偶者の視点では、単にしたかしないか、あるかないかしか問題になりません。しかし、私は何をしたかを問題にしているのです。

 うつになると、「マイナスの気分」「後ろ向きの考え」にとらわれてしまうというのは、よく言われることです。本来は、人間なら誰でも、一瞬こういった気分や考えを持つことがあります。それらを引きずるかどうかの差です。そしてこういった感情や考えを持たない方が不自然です。それらには、大切な役割があるからです。

 実は、マイナスの気分には、何か行動を起こさせる起爆剤の働きがあります。不安は危険を避けるためにはなくてはならない感情です。怒りは、向けられる矛先と、向け方によってはプラスにもマイナスにも働きます。悲しみの感情は、人の癒しにはなくてはならないものです。皆それぞれに、感情が起こる理由があるのです。

 「後ろ向きの考え」も、極端でなければ、我が身を振り返り、あるいは自分の行動の結果についての見直しの作業には不可欠です。何か足りなかったのではないか、自分に十分な力がなかったのではないか、と思えなければ、向上心が育たないのです。ただし、自分はだめだと思ってしまうと、そこで行動がストップしてしまいます。そうならない程度に、後ろ向きである事は、逆に人を高めてくれます。

 うつのことを、「神様からのプレゼント」と言った人がいました。確かに、うつは苦しいですし、すごく落ち込んでもう自分はだめだ、どうにもならない、希望なんて持てないとまで思ってしまいます。

 しかし、そのつらい気持ちの後ろに、「自分からのメッセージ」が含まれているのです。自分のココロの内側から、当人に何かを知らせたり警告しようとしているのかもしれません。うつは、今までのやり方のどこかを変えたほうがもっと生きやすくなるよ…という、人の転機を知らせる信号のようなものです。だから、急がず休息を十分にとりながら静かに自分を見つめていると、このつらい気持ちにどんな意味があるのか、ココロが何を伝えようとしているのかが見えてくる時がやってきます。

 だから、いいことだけ見る、のは自分のつらい気持ちと向き合えなくなる危険性があります。「コップの水がまだ半分ある」と考えることは、たしかに楽だけどココロの声を聞く機会を失わせるかもしれません。

 本当の前向きさとは、自分のいい部分も望ましくない部分もちゃんと受け止めることができて、必要な時に、ココロの声を聞くことができる、言い換えると、捨てるべきものをすて、変えるべきところを変えられることではないかと思います。

 

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いいことだけを見るのは良くない、というの話は、その通りだと思いました。危険信号の一種なのだから、それにしたがって、生き方を変えるいい機会なのでしょう。私もそうしていきたいと思っています。

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