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私のための時間

 今朝は研究所でお仕事でした。
1ヶ月ぶりにこられた方とカウンセリングをしていたら、ご本人の口から、「私のための時間をもつことって大切ですよね」というお言葉が。

 それまでは子供のため、家族のために一生懸命に頑張ってきた人。そんな人が笑顔でそう言いました。

 一生懸命に頑張ってきたけれど、家族にいろんな問題が出てきてどう対応していいか分からずカウンセリングを希望された方でしたが、話しているうちに段々と気持ちの整理が着いてきて冷静になれた、最近になって始めた仕事がたまたま本人に合っていたらしく、楽しいしやりがいも感じている、とその後も話が続きました。

 この方の言葉がずしんと心にきました。

 最近、自分のための時間ってあったっけ?もちろん、時間があって子供とゲームで遊ぶこともあるし、一人で出かけたりもするけれど、いつも何か用事のためだったり、家族のためだったり。

 そういえば、最近心底楽しいと感じたことがなかったなあ、と気がついた。ゲームもフラッシュバックや過覚醒症状の辛さを忘れるためなので、頭はとりあえずすっからかんにできるものの、あまり楽しめてはいませんでした。

 カウンセリングをやっていると、時々実は私に言われてるんじゃないか?とぎくりとすることがあります。

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