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配偶者は宇宙人:大人のADHD(その後)

 少し前に私の配偶者の事を書いたあとも、ほぼ毎日いろんなことが起こっています。
いいことも、そうでないこともありますが、とにかくこの人とつきあっていくには、強靱な精神力が必要なんだと実感します。

 私は明日誕生日を迎えるのですが、配偶者は多分忘れているような気がします。先週のはじめに聞いたときには覚えているよ、と言っていたんですが。

 明日は食事にでも行こうかといったのも先週のことですが、それも忘れ去られているようです。

 だけどぜ~ったい教えてやるもんか、とこちらもムキになっています。

 今日、親しい友人が転勤するので自宅に招待し、そのまま友人は泊まっていくことになりました。配偶者はその場その場で生きている人なので、その事で頭がいっぱいで、私の誕生日の事は消えてしまっているのでしょう。

 この調子で、結婚記念日も何度かすっからかんに忘れられていました。

 もう10年以上のつきあいなので、「あ、またか」という感じです。最近は怒る気もしなくなりました。ただ、最近になって一抹の寂しさを感じることがときどきあります。それは、配偶者の記憶には、強烈にインプットされたものしか残りにくく、何年も前に2人で出かけたとか、そういうささやかな楽しい出来事が、長く記憶にとどまっていないから、です。

 ADHDに関連した問題行動や機能障害は、自閉症と少し重なりのある部分があります。全てではありませんが、ADHDを抱える人の多くは、始めての場所や状況を乗り切るのが苦手ですし、行動にある程度の枠組みが必要な点でも、共通している所があります。

 子供の時に発見されず、適切な援助が行われないまま大人になったADHDの人の何割かは、自閉症と非常に似通ったコミュニケーションの障害を抱えています。そして、なかなか修正が難しいのです。配偶者は、前回にもご紹介したように、聴覚認知が極端に悪いので、会話が成り立たないことがしばしばありますし、思ったことをすぐ口に出してしまうので、問題発言が多く、そのために(本人は意図的にやっているわけではないが)相手を怒らせてしまいます。状況を的確に判断するのが苦手で、集団の中で一人だけ目立つ行動を取ったり、相手のペースに合わせることができないので、社会生活の上では、「難しい人」と見られがちです。

 そして、これもどのくらいの割合がそうなのかは分かりませんが、相手の気持ちを理解するとか共感することが非常に苦手なことがあります。しかし、ADHDがあっても、相手への十分な気遣いや共感のできる人もいるので、なぜこのような差が出るのかは、私にもまだはっきりと分かりません。

 配偶者は、相手の気持ちをくみ取るということがかなり苦手なようです。だからといって、全く情がないというわけではなさそうですが、「どうやって関わればいいかが分からない」のではないかと思っています。

 コミュニケーションの障害がある、といっても、前もってこういう人だということがある程度理解できていると、必要のない議論やケンカを多少避けることはできるかもしれません。確かに相手を受け入れる余裕があれば、口げんかがあってもどうにか収まっていましたし、もういいや、相手は変えられない…で済ましていたわけだし。

 だけど、私が具合が悪かったり、落ち込んだりして、せめて話だけでも聞いてもらって、そうだよね、と言ってもらえたらいいなあ、と思うようなときに、配偶者に話せばよけいに落ち込むか、あるいは逆ギレすることも。

 ADHDを抱える大人が結婚すると、一般人口より離婚率が高いという理由の一つはこのコミュニケーションの問題にあるようです。

 私がうまく働きかければ相手が共感できるようになるかもしれない、という期待は、この場合あまり持たない方がよさそうです。

 ただ、共感できないのは本人にとっても苦しいだろうな、ということは頭の片隅に置いておいたほうがいいです。結局は、相手の状態をそのまま受け入れるしかないです。

 こういうタイプのADHDの人をパートナーに持っていて、なおかつ関係を維持したいと望んでいる人は、外部に相談できる友人を作っておくなど、しっかりしたサポート資源を持っておくことが大切だと思います。また、一人で悩みを抱え込まないように、ADHDの人をパートナーに持つ人同士での助け合いが、絶対に必要だと感じます。

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